By: Kelsey Wooten, LPC
Think about the last time you had a super busy week; filled with deadlines, having to go multiple places, and people expecting things from you. During that chaotic time, how did you sleep, eat, bathe, and communicate? Was it less than ideal? That is because taking care of ourselves is the first thing to go when we are stressed, upset ect. Because of being conditioned to put others before ourselves and hustle by any means necessary. Other times, it is out of survival.
Ironically, by not putting our needs first, we burn out faster and become resentful. Taking care of ourselves allows us to sustain a routine or lifestyle long term.
What are the needs of humans?
You may have heard the term “your needs matter.” When people say that they are referring to things you need in order to survive. Abraham Maslow suggested five basic categories of needs: physiological, safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization.
Physiological: These are your bodily needs in order to keep running such as hunger, thirst, elimination of waste, ect.
Safety: Ability to be emotionally and physically safe and for your nervous system to be calm
Love: Having loving relationships and have a sense of connection and belonging
Esteem: What we believe about ourselves and how we think others perceive us
Self-actualization: Exploring our purpose and meeting our potential
**What is important to remember is we have to have your basic needs met before you can sit and contemplate purpose and become your wisest self.
Another way to identify your needs is in these four categories:
Physically: thirst, use the bathroom, hunger, temperature
Emotionally: cry, talk it out, receive comfort
Spiritually: connection to something bigger than ourselves
Mentally: less or more stimulation, problem solving, rest
How do I meet my needs?
You first have to know what your needs are and can understand this when we listen to our body cues. These are things like feeling hungry, thirsty, tired, needing to use the bathroom. These are often things we are taught when we are young (ex: potty training), but we can also learn to ignore these cues. If you want to learn to get better at this, I suggest doing a body scan meditation every day.
And then communicate with them. While this can feel scary or unnatural if you have learned to ignore your needs (ex: people pleasing behaviors), no one can read your mind. You can start by asking for tangible things (ex: I need a hug or I need some water) and then work your way up to ones that feel harder. Using “I statements” (I _____) is the best way to do this.
Lastly, you will need to meet your own needs. Do not rely on others to do this for you. While people need connection and asking for help is important, if someone denies your request or cannot fulfill it, there needs to be other alternatives.
If you or someone you know is struggling to identify or communicate their needs, Sonder is now accepting new clients! Call or email today.