By: Sarah Rapisardo, LPC
In a world where there are so many external factors out of our control, it can easily feel like we don’t
have much control over our lives or what happens to us. To some extent, there is truth to that
sentiment. In any given circumstance, there are some things we just simply cannot control: the weather,
the past, the actions of others, what happens around us, what other people think of us, what the future
has to offer. The list goes on and on, and it can feel a little daunting.
If we approach the fact that there are these things outside of our control with an external locus of
control, we blame external factors for our circumstances. “I was late for work because there was
traffic.” “I got the promotion because I was lucky.” “I scored a bad grade on the test because the teacher
is unfair and doesn’t like me.” With external locus of control, the idea is that things are happening to
you.
If we flip that switch and approach the same situation with an internal locus of control, we acknowledge
that some things may be out of our control but that we ultimately have the power to change our own
life and circumstances. This switch looks like us making things happen instead of things just happening
to us. For example: “I was late for work because there was traffic” might be shifted to “I was late for
work because I chose not to leave early enough to account for the usual morning traffic”. Luck might not
explain a promotion, but rather you recognize the hard work you have put into your job that finally paid
off. A bad score on the test has less to do with an unfair or biased teacher, and you may recognize that
you did not put in enough effort to study for the test or you studied the wrong material.
The uncomfortable news about internal locus of control is that it means we must take accountability for
our actions and choices. It takes away our easy out of explaining away our circumstances to chance,
being unlucky, or otherwise having an easy justification for outside factors controlling our worlds. When
we adopt this frame of mind, we take on the burden of responsibility for our lives and everything in it.
We may not be responsible for factors such as the weather, how others treat us, or what traumas we
endure, but it does give us the responsibility to choose what to do with those things out of our control.
The good news about internal locus of control is that we can do something about our circumstances,
and we are able to feel hopeful about our ability to impact our own lives. We can’t control when it rains,
but we can choose to carry an umbrella. We can’t control how others treat us, but we can control the
boundaries we set and the relationships we choose to pour our energy into. We can’t control the past or
the traumas that we have endured, but we can choose to start the healing process and keep moving
forward. We can’t control what we have learned and what our experiences have been in the past, but
we can adopt new core beliefs that serve us better.
Internal locus of control means “the control that comes from within”. Here are some of those things
that you can control in any scenario and across any given time. You can always control your thoughts,
your actions, your words, your opinions, your values. You can choose how you spend your time and how
you budget your energy. You can choose if you do or don’t maintain certain relationships. You can
choose if and how you take care of yourself. You can choose how to respond to anything thrown your
way. For every single thing that is outside of your control, there is also something within your control.
You just have to choose how to see it. Next time life feels unmanageable, and things feel out of control,
and you feel helpless, take a deep breath and focus your energy on something you can control.