By: Kelsey Wooten, LPC
What is self-advocacy and why is it important?
As a therapist I often discuss issues that clients are having with the people around them, whether that’s their family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, kids, doctors, ect. While we process the feelings around this, we also explore how to advocate for themselves. While it is uncomfortable to speak up about your thoughts and feelings it is the fastest way to see change. Speaking up might not always get your way, but it will give you information on how to move forward.
According to the Oxford Dictionary Self-Advocacy: the action of representing oneself or one’s views or interests.
Why is it important?
– Helps to empower oneself
– Allows your to take responsibility of yourself (thoughts, emotions, words, actions)
– Helps to improve communication (No one can read your mind and will not always pick up on hints or passive-aggressive behavior ex: (Saying “IT’S FINE” when it isn’t)
– Allows your to better meet your needs /wants
– Increases your opportunities (if you don’t ask the answer is always no)
– Helps you learn about yourself
– Improve your relationships (while it can feel scary, confrontation in our close relationship shows we care about it and want to work to find common ground and can deepen connection)
Areas of life it can be used:
– Work and/or money
– School
– Healthcare / the doctors office or health issues
– Relationships /social life
– Legal
-With self
What can make it hard to advocate for yourself?
– Low self-confidence and worth
– Lack of info
– Cultural norms / social expectations / the system and privilege
– Power imbalance
– Fear of conflict
– Unhealthy family dynamics
– Lack of support or resources
– Abuse
– Mental and physical challenges
– Unclear needs and boundaries
Tips:
– Start small (start by saying yes/no, or making a choice instead of “I don’t know”)
– practice! (I tell my clients to practice saying it out loud and write it down)
– Find your people, supports (in person and online)
– Educate yourself / do your research
– Self-care
– Work to increase self-esteem and worth
– Explore what you like / don’t like
Examples:
Unfortunately I won’t be able to make your birthday party, it is not in the budget
I would like the chocolate chip cookie
It hurts my feelings when you say you’ll call and you don’t
Is everything okay? You’ve seemed quiet today
I would like to be tested for ______. (If “no” then I would like it charted that my request was denied”
I need to leave by 5 pm today
Could you send me that report by the end of the day?
No.
** One of my favorite books that provide scripts is the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace