During the covid-19 quarantine I had a friend that lived alone on the east coast, so we often Facetimed for socialization. During that time she was going through her ‘witchy era’ and we started discussing horoscopes and the different apps you can find. We even got my now husband into it. Eventually when I would walk to work I would send my husband his horoscope so that he knew I got to work safely. It was a small way for us to find connection.
While it’s something small and silly it gave us something to share, explore, and cope with what was going on in the world. These shared connections can be small like the example above or larger like TV shows (think Game of Thrones) or sports teams (Cardinals/Blues/St. Louis City SC). If you watched GOT I want you to remember how you and others reacted to the red wedding scene or when the Blues or Cardinals won championships. We are having a collective experience and can connect over it.
When we don’t have enough socialization in our lives, we become lonely and isolated. According to the American Psychological Association it has impacts on both our mental and physical health. “As much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or having alcohol use disorder”and that “loneliness and social isolation are twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity.” It also impacts levels of anxiety, depression and suicide.
Loneliness isn’t new, it’s something every human has experienced from childhood to old age. However it tends to impact older adults more so. According to the CDC it is due to living alone, loss of loved ones, trouble hearing or other disabilities, and illness. On the flip side those who have strong connections are healthier, happier, and less stressed.
As technology has continued to progress we have more access to people from all over the world. We can hop on a virtual call and talk to our friends and family no matter where they are. Social media also allows us to have access to others’ but once we start comparing ourselves to others it has the adverse effect.
There is just something special about being in the same room as someone. So how do we meet others if we are feeling lonely or isolated? The answer is both simple and difficult. According to Medium, making friends is a three part process: meeting, escalation, maintenance.
Meeting: You have to go out into the wild and meet other people
– Join a club, gym, church, ect
– Volunteer
– Find a cafe, coffee shop or library and get to know the regulars or workers
– Find others who enjoy the same things as you
– All of these things work because it’s about proximity or getting familiar with them
Escalation: Talking to the new acquaintance and making more of an effort
– Reaching out more often
– Spending more time together
– Getting to know them, being vulnerable
Maintenance: maintaining the friendship
– continue to spend time together
– staying up to date on what is going on in others’ lives
– Continue to be vulnerable and get to know them
Making friends takes time! Be kind to others when you go out and be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. Often people won’t go out and enjoy life unless they have someone to do it with. Challenge yourself to do things alone! Go to the restaurant, movie or event alone. You’ll be proud of yourself for having gone and you might just meet someone while you’re there!
If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, depression or anxiety Sonder is accepting new clients! Call or email today.