By: Kendall Beahm, PLPC
Does it ever feel you’re a “yes” person? Have a hard time saying “no”, feeling like you’re appearing rude or unhelpful, or feeling like you’re letting others down? It’s easy to fall into this pattern, but it’s equally important to recognize it and set boundaries to protect your mental health and your energy. Boundaries can be physical, professional, or emotional; loose or rigid.
Establishing boundaries can feel scary, overwhelming, or even unnecessary. But it can be good for you, and good for the people in your life, when you are explicit about what you’re okay with and what you aren’t. Boundaries are so helpful for many reasons, including increasing self-esteem & confidence, bringing focus to yourself instead of others, enhancing and protecting your mental health, avoiding burnout, and developing independence.
There are countless internet articles, books, etc. about setting boundaries. Some general tips to follow include defining your desired boundary, communicating your wants and needs, keeping it simple, and setting consequences. It’s important to remember that communicating your boundary using “I Language” (saying “I need some time to myself when I get home from work” rather than “you have to stop bothering me when I get home from work”) is helpful and may help those in your life to better understand why you’re setting your boundary.
Boundaries can sound like: “I will end this phone call if you continue to shout at me;” “I can stay for half an hour;” “Thank you for your offer. Unfortunately, I can’t make it;” “I need time to think about it, I’ll get back to you;” “I don’t respond to work emails on weekends”; or “I respect your opinion, but this is my life and my decision.” Being clear, communicating your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants, and keeping it simple are some of the best places to start when setting boundaries. You might just find an increased sense of peace and control over your life.