By: Sarah Rapisardo, LPC
There are no “bad” emotions, but there are certainly some uncomfortable ones. Depression, sadness, guilt, grief, anger, and hurt are some prime examples of those emotions that can be difficult to deal with or embrace. Sometimes when a wave of difficult emotions come at an inopportune moment, it is easy to push them down or find some way to numb them. This is okay at the moment, if you can come back to it later and give that emotion the appropriate attention. Unfortunately, what happens all too often is that the difficult emotion gets stuffed away and forgotten about. At the time, this may seem like an easier or safer route. Over time, though, it can lead to mental and physical health issues and can negatively impact relationships.
Ideally, dealing with emotions in the moment and processing through them is the best option. However, sometimes you just don’t have the time or you’re not in the right place to do so. In these moments, emotional bookmarking can be the next best solution. Emotional bookmarking requires just a few minutes in the moment and then revisiting later to finish the process.
Picture this scenario. Let’s say you’ve just parked at work, and you check your phone one last time before putting it in your pocket and heading into the office. A text message pops up on the screen and it contains some unsettling news- enough that it elicits an emotional response from you, but not enough that you’re able to put aside work to deal with it right now. What do you do? Put in an emotional bookmark in it and compartmentalize this scenario to come back to later.
Start by feeling the emotion for a moment. Emotions happen fast and you’re crunched for time here. Give yourself long enough to notice the emotion and label it. Is it sadness? Disappointment? Anger? Frustration? Shock? Whatever it is, don’t try to change it. Just simply name it. Next, determine briefly what the root cause is that led to this emotion. Is the emotion caused by conflict with a partner? A friend canceling plans? News of a loss? A missed opportunity? Whatever it is, just summarize it in one sentence. Next up is scheduling a time to revisit this. Does it make sense to process this emotion on lunch break later? On the drive home? In the evening when you get home? Does it fit better on your next off day when there is no time constraint? Whatever it is, choose a time that you can stick to and make sure it is sooner than later. Finally, take a few deep breaths. Breathe in strength, breathe out stress. Breathe in peace, breathe out worry. After a few deep breaths in and out, resume your day and compartmentalize this emotion for later. This process might seem long and drawn out, but all these steps can be completed in a few moments and the more you practice it, the easier it will be.
When that designated moment arrives, make sure you give yourself the time and space to process the difficult emotion. The more intense the emotions and more difficult the scenarios, the longer it will likely take to work your way through it. The more you practice regulating your emotions in the moment or bookmarking your emotions to revisit soon, the easier it will be to manage them and the less likely you are to experience negative mental, physical and relationship impacts.