By: Kelsey Wooten, LPC
On a recent road trip I listened to “Crying in H Mart” by Michelle Zauer. I highly recommend this book, and even more so the audio version. To hear the Zauner’s voice makes the story all the more personal, and you get to hear the correct pronunciation of the Korean she uses. For me, this was a five star read. It gave me insight to the depth of grief one feels when they lose a parent, and how it can shift your perspective on everything you think you know.
Throughout the book she addresses the challenging dynamics of her family, her experience of having a biracial identity and navigating language barriers, her mom getting sick and dying, the grief around the loss and how she connects with food, and finally, finding love and support though it all.
Culture and food
Food is how Zauner connected both with her culture and her mother. She shares how throughout her life her relationship with her Mom was challenging, but Korean food was where they could meet and find common ground. She shares stories from her travels to Seoul, and the family she had there. Once her mother dies Zauner feels like she has lost an important piece to her identify. To help find that she teaches herself to cook and heals a part of herself.
Family dynamics
Zauner tells us of her experience being an only child in a rural area with an American Dad who worked all the time, and a Korean mother who stayed home. She explores what it was like not having a “mommy mom” and instead someone who was often critical and at times emotionally abusive. Zauner also explores the feeling that her parents and peers didn’t understand her.
Throughout her life Zauner traveled to see family both when her mother was alive and after. We get to see both the beauty and struggle in her working to connect and communicate with her Korean family.
Zauner is the front women for Japanese Breakfast. She tells us how music allowed her to express herself, even if her mother didn’t understand why she wanted to pursue music. Throughout the book we get to she how found her band, her sound, and her husband.
Death and grief
When Zauner is 25 years old her mother gets diagnosed cancer. We are taken with her through the heartbreaking journey of care-taking for a sick parent while the other one is grieving, and the support they find. Oncer her mom dies she must figure out how to cope with loss. Zauner also finds a new understanding of her Mom while going through her belongings and navigating the change in her relationship with her father.
Grief impacts us all differently. If you or someone you know has experienced a loss and needs someone to talk to Sonder is now accepting new clients. Call or email today!