By: Kelsey Wooten, LPC
We are approaching the end of summer and the beginning of a new school year. As you pack up the boxes and load the car, you may feel nervous and excited about the coming changes. When a college student moves away from home and into a new place, it’s a big change for everyone involved. For the family, it means adjusting to their absence, and for the student, it’s getting acclimated to what it means to be a student in college – new living arrangements, people, places and ideas.
Our students gain a lot more freedom and control when they head to college. They now have control over when they have class, if they go, and how to manage their time. Students also have more responsibilities. Such as finances (student loans, work, rent, ect.), laundry, cleaning up after themselves, besides a more intense workload.
Signs they might be struggling:
-change in mood
– isolation
– sleeping too much or not enough
– dip in grades/performance
– substance abuse
Challenges for students:
Executive functioning – time management, meals, being on their own for the first time, chores/ laundry, money management. For high achieving students college is the first time school becomes challenging. They may have to learn how to study, and in some cases fail. Anxiety around performance can occur. Student athletes can also feel the pressure to perform well in multiple arenas.
Body image – weight gain (the “freshmen 15”) often occurs in college due the lifestyle changes. Between new stressors, social pressure, and diet culture disordered eating / eating disorders can occur. Normalize healthy eating habits and exercise. Shaming or teasing someone about their fluctuation in body size is never helpful.
Peer pressure – Experimentation with sex, drugs and alcohol happens. Talking about risks and safety is important. If addiction runs in your family, share this with your young adult.
Sex/sexuality – For many young adults college is when they start to become sexually active. Access to birth control methods, doctors, the topic of consent and sexuality helps keep young adults safe. Unfortunately sexual assault happens on college campuses. Encourage safety and openness.
Relationships – When students leave high school many of their relationships are stressed due to all the change. How to manage distance, changing boundaries, feelings of jealousy or loneliness, miscommunication, and growing as individuals. Frequently there is conflict in relationships due to having to manage building a new life and maintaining the old.
Dating woes are a part of young adulthood. They are meeting new people and beginning to understand what they want. Understanding healthy vs unhealthy relationships can help your student gain a support system that helps them thrive. Education around what intimate partner violence looks like during this time is critical.
A note for parents:
During this transition parents can struggle with having to let go of control. Once they become a legal adult, the information you are privy to changes. For example their grades or medical status. Parents have much less oversight once kids go off to college and have to trust their young adult. While it is important to keep up with them, they have to learn their own lessons and build resilience. Encourage them to find teachers, staff or other campus resources to help them if they need it, as opposed to fixing it for them. If they don’t want to talk, don’t push too much, but remind them you are always there to talk.
Finally, other members of the family, such as younger siblings, can also struggle with this transition. If you notice this, talk about it. Missing each other/ homesickness is to be expected.
If mental illness runs in your family, discuss this with your young adult. Mental illnesses tend to show up in the early late teens and 20s.
If you or a family member is struggling with this kind of transition, Sonder counseling is now accepting new clients. Call or e-mail today!