By: Kelsey Wooten, LPC
How do we get from being angry and holding resentment to making meaning out of has occurred?
The answer is tricky because it’s a delicate process that takes time – and that is the one thing people don’t want to hear. We cannot just blow past our emotional pain. We have to sit in it and get through it before we can get to the light at the end of the tunnel. That means first processing our emotions, learning how to cope, and then looking at what part we played. Were our actions helpful or healthy and what did we learned from the experience? Our emotions and insights don’t always work on our timeline, and there isn’t one. So let go of thinking ‘I should be over this already” and give yourself some grace and space to get through it. Therapy can be a great tool when you are processing through your emotions, because it gives you a non-biased perspective of your situation and the space to sift through things on your own time.
You will also have to tackle this very large gap that this person or event left in your life; this space can sometimes be one of the hardest parts of change. Begin to fill this space by doing things alone, learning to be alone, trying a new hobby, spending time with loved ones, working, watching movies, reading books, going for walks, listening to music, ect. Doing all the things you used to love, even if they don’t bring you the joy it used to.
It will feel like you have to work at filling this hole. If you’re questioning ‘if you’re doing this right’ you are; keep working at it. Keep doing this one foot in front of the other, day after day. Even when you have days where you feel resentful, bitter, and angry. Eventually, one day you’ll wake up and things won’t be as hard. You’ll have new things to look forward to, and people who love you. The anger you felt will subside if you’re willing to look underneath it. Things may not be easy or look like they used to, but they will get better.