By: Kelsey Wooten, M.Ed, LPC
Heraclitus once said that “the only constant in life is change. This is true – throughout our lives, we grow and change physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We also experience change as people come and go, love someone who is ill, lose pets, fall in and out of love, move geographically, change jobs, etc. Do we grieve the small things like leaving a job or moving away from our childhood home? The answer is yes; this is called ambiguous loss.
Ambiguous meaning unclear, not having a definite end, or not getting closure. For example, if Grandma or Fluffy dies we grieve the loss of their presence in our lives. During this time, we may have a service for them or celebrate their life with loved ones. However, if I move cities, I can still go back – but it doesn’t feel the same. Often we feel sad or grieve the life we had before the change, even if it’s positive.
Another example of this is the collective ambiguous loss we felt during the pandemic. Almost overnight everything we were used to changing – we went from dropping kids off at school and heading to work to doing everything at home, on zoom, all the same time. Some of us acclimated quickly while others struggled with the loss of their old lives. During 2020 we lost our sense of control and predictability, our loved ones died, we lost friendships, changed, or lost jobs. We were stressed about finances, and couldn’t attend funerals. We also missed out on celebrations like prom, graduation, parties, and weddings. Collectively, we missed out on so much human interaction and connection. It was painful, disappointing, and many young people missed traditional milestones. However, humans are resilient and with technology, we found new ways to keep our connections alive.
Everyone’s grieving process is different, and that’s okay! It’s important to take care of yourself as you move through your grief, as it may look different day-to-day. Some days the loss may be manageable, on other days memories and emotions may hit you out of nowhere. On those hard days, remember to do basic things like eating and drinking enough water, getting proper sleep, and adequate hygiene. While there is no timeline for grief, if the loss you have experienced seems to impact you in your day-to-day life or your relationships, seek grief counseling. It’s helpful to unpack your loss and how it is affecting you with a neutral third party. This can be helpful because don’t have to worry about comforting them while you are hurting. Your counselor can assist you in ways to cope with your loss and walk with you through your grief. You will never “get over” your loss, but you can learn how to build your life around it.