By Mark Schillinger, MSW, LCSW
Many people say that a person only has control over themselves and how they react to things. This perspective is a powerful insight. It can help people cope with challenging situations and feel more freedom and ease. However, the problem is it is not always clear how to apply this insight into everyday experiences.
Below is a list of self-reflection questions you can use as a guide to help you learn how to find acceptance and embody this simple truth.
- Questions about Responsibility:
- Is this my problem (thus, I need to take responsibility for it)?
- Is there a part of this situation for which I am responsible?
- Questions about Reactions:
- Am I reacting to someone else’s behavior?
- How will my reaction impact the situation?
- Questions about Power:
- Is the person trying to gain power (and control) over me?
- How can I maintain my sense of power and control in the situation without creating more unnecessary conflict?
The more we try to hold tight to having control in different situations, the more out of control we often feel. Paradoxically, the more we let go of control, the more control we feel.